Best Fruit

[Orgazmo]

If we're being honest with ourselves, I think we can all agree that oranges are actually pretty terrible.

Proof, you say? Sure, I'll provide some proof.

Teeth.

Do you care for your dental health? If so, you likely floss regularly. You also probably use a fluoride mouthwash each night. But, above all of these, you almost assuredly brush your teeth like a god damned fiend.

Originally Posted by Dirty Harry

Yeah, I do all of that shit. What's the point? I still love my oranges!

I thought you'd say that. But, have you ever eaten an orange just after brushing your teeth (or vice versa)? If so, you've undoubtedly tasted the awful combination that the two form. After years of baffling scientists, a breakthrough on this was actually recently made.

By directly examining the mouth of a subject that ingested freshly-squeezed orange juice following a brushing, scientists were able to see exactly what was happening on a molecular level. Zooming in 10,000x, orange molecules were actually seen attacking the inside of the subject's mouth, literally ripping it apart. The toothpaste, true to its god-given task, defended the mouth, not much differently than the Knights of the Round Table would defend Camelot against evildoers. The result? Tons of orange molecule corpses (which, oddly, taste like shit).

In short: Loving oranges is the equivalent of hating yourself (which is likely the reason that orange-lovers have a +46% chance of being into self-harm).

Please note that none of this applies to Mandarin oranges. Those are cool.